I’m sat at the bus stop with my back arched, semi curled up to contain the tiniest body heat I am radiating, a snow flake drops on my thigh. Yes, it is winter and yes, I live in london and people know well that this country has an appalling weather stability ever.
I envy Australia right now. Scrolling down on Instagram to see what the people I follow are up to, I stumble upon my cousin’s pictures which all consists of sun, pool, tan, swim suits, smiles and everything cheerful. Ahh summer, why cant you just stick around all year round?
This is probably the most pointless blog post ever but it is getting me to start writing again. And I will right more pointless blog post until I can finally write properly.. after all, we all have to start somewhere right?
Lying to others is wrong, but lying to
yourself is an absolute tragedy.
The worst lies are the ones we subconsciously tell ourselves. They’ve been ingrained in our minds by bad external influences and negative thinking. So the next time you decide to unclutter your life and clean up your space, start with your intellectual space by clearing out the old lies and negative self-talk you often recite to yourself.
Here are twelve such lies to stop telling yourself:
It’s Monday and it’s the start of learning period yet again. I’ve almost forgotten what our campus is like with students all around it like you have nowhere to hide.
I sip coffee from my new Hello Kitty tumbler I got given a few days ago by a former friend. Former - that word isn’t very nice to hear. We fell out, due to things that changed that he couldn’t accept. Well, he wished me happiness but I could hear such strong bitterness from his voice that I just instantly dismissed it.
I don’t know whether to feel upset that I have lost a dear friend but after I realised what he has been doing to me the whole time, it felt like I never really knew him.
Do you ever wonder if you really know your friends? I never do but recently, I had to.
I’m standing here at the bus stop, just finished my coffee, recalling how fucked up i have been due to him. I never thought that I’d have such a manipulative friend to mould me into something he’s never had because of my gentleness.
For years, I thought there was something inside me that ruins me, maybe I really do, but I realised that majority of it was because of him. He’s had a failed love and he saw it in me that he leeched on it and sucked every bit of it. Of course I wasn’t aware, I believed that I had a lot of love to give.. Even though my family barely gave it to me.
I remember feeling drained after that argument, fed up, exhausted. Blind even, that I couldn’t see what harm I was doing to my loved one. Blamed him, criticised him, took all my anger out. Luckily, he supported me, opened my eyes and told me such friendship should not be in that way.
Right now, I don’t miss my so-called ‘friend’. Or rather, my ‘former’ friend. Not nice to hear but appropriate for all the damaged he’s done to me. It sucks to be manipulated by someone who’s close to you. But at the end of the day, it’s something you learn from.
My bus to university is here, I should really stop with all the thoughts that could only possibly ruin me again. Until next time.
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for things that matter.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose Life.
28. Forgive but don’t forget.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.
Tired of being ignored, disrespected and mistreated? I’ve been there. Though I am now in a relationship, I still want to share my previous experiences to all the girls out there who should know when it really is enough.
Respect yourself. If you don’t, then no one else would.
I think that girls should see the bigger picture. Having class is better than seeming desperate to everyone by trying hard to get all the attention. I do agree that girls who are always ‘out there’ gets all the attention almost all the time but trust me, that won’t last. Don’t act stupid to get a guy’s attention because seriously, it is very unattractive. Just be yourself, with class. Have a good attitude, a sense of confidence (but not to an extent of coming across as arrogant) and radiance that pervades your being from head to toe.
Love yourself. Yes, we all have insecurities but don’t wallow yourself in self pity. Accept that nobody’s perfect and your flaws should be accepted and love just like how you would others. Don’t take sh*t. I’m not saying be a bitch or whatever but if people see that you can be nice but not to an extent of allowing yourself to be disrespected then they will see that you value yourself therefore they would do the same. And if they don’t, confront them.
When I say respect yourself, I meant it. Don’t be the kind of girl who gets passed around.
I personally know someone who has just lost self respect altogether. And the worst thing is, she doesn’t even realise this. I know you may be heartbroken, lonely and so on but trust me, having sex with as many guys as you like is not a good idea. There will be a time when you finally meet the right one and you’ll wish you waited, just like I did. But what happens in the past stays there. What you can do though is stop it now. Respect yourself, woman. Guys will see you as a toy and totally lose all their respect on you.
Do you really want to be used and then the next thing you know the guy you “like” is slowly drifting away from you and then start blocking you on every social networking site there is possible so you wouldn’t be able to contact them? Yeah, happened to me. My friends warned me but I wishfully thought that maybe I can change him and maybe stick with me instead of looking for the next girl he could possibly get with. It was stupid. If your guts tell you that it is not a good idea, that he is not the best guy for you then for goodness sake, listen. Move on! Some people may say that you’re over-thinking but most of the time your instincts are right. Works for me.
Marilyn Monroe says ‘Be Wise’.
This quote has always stuck in my mind ever since I first read it. For me it means that just because a guy has shown you attention, a little bit of affection and such doesn’t mean you should already fall for it or rather him, straightaway. Hell woman, get to know the person first.
I recently got into a relationship and I am still getting to know my boyfriend. You see I kept wondering why I didn’t do this in my past relationships because I do think it is a really good idea to take things slow and get to know him before jumping into it. That way you will figure out if he’s the kind of person you’re looking for or not. And also, if you’ve decided that he really isn’t for you, it wouldn’t hurt both of you as much as it will when you’re already in too deep.
So this guy you recently met and starting to get to know tells you a lot of things including serious ones. Should you just listen or believe as well? I suggest to be a lady and listen but don’t believe in everything that he says yet unless you are sure they are true. There are some guys who lie and lie and lie and lie times infinity to get in your pants. Again, happened to me. I know, I was stupid.
I don’t know how on earth he knew I loved Italy but he used that to get my attention. He said he was part Italian. I believed it and liked him more. And then he found out I love astrology and psychic stuff and then he said his mum’s got psychic ability (realising it now, it really was stupid of me to believe all that crap) and that apparently she said we will work out one day. F*ck that. Beware. I’m not saying that ALL guys are like this but let’s face it, there are some guys out there who would do anything just to get you in bed. Once again, beware. Listen first but don’t believe. Not yet.
So girl, don’t be attached yet if you know that he isn’t. It’s not bad to let him do all the work in the beginning because otherwise, how would you know he’s got his heart set on you? Take your time, your feelings matter more than being taken to bed.
So this is all I’m posting for now but do come back, I have more to post for you lovely girls (and boys maybe).. Post laters! xxx
“All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within.” — Horace Friess
Things will not make you happy. This is true for everything. If you want that dream house, it may give you a boost of happiness, but it won’t last.
Even winning the lottery won’t last. Your happiness levels will return to their previous set point and you will be back trying to get more things.
The solution is to realize that things will not make you happy. Happiness in life comes from the inside, and it’s available right here, right now.
Stop looking for more things and start looking inside.
“If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy.” -Kristin Chenoweth
If you could just find your soul mate, you would be complete, right?
Even if you find your soul mate, it may sooner or later turn sour, unless you’ve done the inner work.
You have to be willing to find happiness within. No partner can make you happy, and if you think they can, you will try to change them, which will lead to suffering.
There will always be something, even in the most perfect partner, that you don’t like, or that doesn’t live up to your expectations.
Learn to love yourself first.
“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”― Albert Camus
And that brings us to our next mistake, which is striving.
This could be striving for happiness, or for something to alleviate the apparent suffering in your life.
It’s something you hope will come and fix everything. And the reality is that it’s not going to happen, not if you’re looking for it.
The simple answer to finding happiness in your life is to stop looking for it. Stop trying so hard. Welcome what is.
And let life take care of itself.
Welcome even the feelings you’ve labeled as negative.
Welcome it all in, and let it be.
Let life be.
There are reasons why sometimes people are as lunatic as I am. Well I am pretty normal according to people around me but I don’t believe that. They don’t know what’s going through my head, how fucked up it is. Sounds weird right? But I like being honest. After all, this is an anonymous diary.
There are two people you’ll meet in your life. One will run a finger down the index of who you are and jump straight to the parts of you that peak their interest. The other will take his or her time reading through every one of your chapters and maybe fold corners of you that inspired them most. You will meet these two people; it is a given. It is the third that you’ll never see coming. That one person who not only finishes your sentences, but keeps the book.
1. A relationship will not solve all your problems.
In fact, it will create new ones. An otherwise calm and content day can be turned on its head because your partner woke up on the wrong side of the bed. A relationship means giving up a lot of the control you have over your life and your moods. You now have a whole other set of obligations, opinions, routines, and feelings to somehow meld with yours. There’s always this tendency to think the grass is greener on the other side, but just because someone’s in a relationship does not mean they’re happy, and it does not mean their life is perfect. If you can’t be happy while single, you’ll have a hard time doing so in a relationship.
2. There is nothing original about this.
Anything your partner says or does to you, they have said or done to someone else, possibly as recently as this morning. That barista who wrote his or her phone number on your coffee cup has done so to a dozen other patrons. Those silky smooth lines have been perfected over time, have worked on countless occasions before. Anyone who appears out of nowhere with an express intention of wooing you is playing those same cards every night of the week. Often, they’ll even tell you about people they’re attracted to and flirt with people right in front of you. This is not some ironic display of affection or an attempt to play it cool, it is a blatant form of disrespect. You are special, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t know that.
3. Sex is not a sturdy foundation for a relationship.
Sex on the first date will not ruin something that was otherwise destined to succeed. But it can draw out something that had no business going anywhere in the first place. If you’re still getting to know someone and figuring out how you feel about them, sex can put added pressure on the relationship and provide incentive to keep seeing someone you otherwise aren’t too bothered about. If you sleep with someone every time you see them because you have nothing to talk about and fear that, by conversing, you’ll be forced to face the realization that you don’t actually like this person at all, and are simply infatuated with the idea of them (and their body), this is not a good relationship. When a relationship is built solely on the physical, sex becomes a shield that keeps you in limbo between establishing true feelings and realizing this is going nowhere.
Aren’t we all? But we all have a choice - either let it ruin the fuck out of you or make you stronger; up to you.
After a rather emotionally dragging day, I resorted to the kitchen as soon as I got back to our flat. I leave for Spain in a week and after everything that I have consumed in the past week, I know I’ll put it all on soon. So, I’ve decided to make this tea that apparently makes you lose weight. What the heck, I’m not going to lose anything if I try. And after all, I would rather make myself a cup of tea than be dragged down with other people’s drama and issues outside.
I rummaged through the cupboards for a mug, seeing as my favourite one has been nicked yet again. A perfect-sized mug came into sight and I grabbed it. Turned the kettle on and stood there, waiting for it. I looked back on the mug and read the words on it. I scrutinised it - all in capitals; what it was saying did not convince me that it’s true at all. Some people don’t have any home to go back to like myself.
Not every home is safe; I’m glad that I am now away from mine but it doesn’t mean that I don’t think about it anymore. In fact, I had a dream about my family last night but I seriously don’t want to be reminded of it. I do feel lonely, especially when my flatmates go back to their family and come back home, satisfied with their weekend. Now I just find myself looking forward to them coming home so I have company again.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not need your sympathy. I just feel unlucky to have a very unwelcoming home and bad childhood. I wish I had an unbroken family though I am fully-aware that there is no such thing as ‘perfect’ family. I guess that’s why I have a hole in my life. A hole that I do not know how to fill in…
I guess this is me starting to expose myself, my emotions and my heart.